After Dad’s passing I went back to school for sometime and began working with special needs kids at a middle school. I was in a relationship at the time lasting about 5 years before it ended. I struggled with the tension between the seeming opposites of my spiritual life— inclination towards retreat and renunciation and my life in the world with work and relationships. From ages 20-25 I changed jobs 4 or 5 times. I met a powerful psychic and teacher through a former boss and acupuncturist. I worked for her as an office manager for a couple years.
One day she mentioned a psychic would come to the clinic and do readings for clients and patients. I thought “sure why not.” Sitting across the table was a Chinese woman with her Singaporean translator. He asked me to write down my name and birthdate on a piece of paper. She glanced at it and began telling me things about out of body experiences I’d had she couldn’t possibly have known about. Specifically having met a non-physical intelligence that would likely be classified as an alien in some sense. There was no way for her to know the details of the contact and interaction with that being. I was impressed to say the least. She mentioned other things about my life and relationships which were all true. She then said “this meeting was destined. I have been waiting and looking for you for a very long time” and proceeded to explain a prophecy. She said “when you are 26 and 29 your energies will change and by the time you are 35 you will become a master.”
“You have the same abilities I have but you need a teacher. I can train you and give you the energy you need to develop your powers and fulfill your destiny.”
I said “ok when can we begin?”
The following week i received initiation under her and a spiritual mentorship began. In that first year of training I underwent an initial 100 days of celibacy, meaning no masturbation or sex and then another 9 month phase of it. I couldn’t physically touch a woman for the first month. I began house sitting for a home my teacher was renting in Los Angeles. Her intention was to build a group of local students interested in meditation, energy work and healing. The recruitment aspect became an absolute chore and was probably the primary reason I began to step away from her and the organization after a year or so. It became annoyingly clear that whatever spirituality she was offering only existed in the context of a business model. For reasons related to her mission and prophecy I was made exempt from her usual high fees and given initiation immediately without charge.
We spent many months together and since I was considered to be her successor in training, I developed a deep respect and fondness for her. In many ways she took care of me the way a mother would for a son. Unfortunately, it became clear spiritual foul play was involved and that the energies we were working with were quite dangerous for people. With my training in meditation in years prior I was able to handle the openings, but many students and people were not.
After about a year of celibacy and daily meditation I heard a name during a sitting session. It kept repeating and repeating and repeating. I finally gave it attention. The name was in Arabic. I’d never heard it before. I didn’t know one word of Arabic. I looked up the name— Zahir, one of the 99 names of Allah which means “the manifest one.” Didn’t know what to think of it so just put it aside for a few days. One night after meditation at midnight I fell asleep at the altar in the center of a very large circular meditation mat the students would all sit on together. I fell asleep with my arm covering my eyes since I was too tired to get up and turn off the lights. The unusual sleeping position kept my mind more alert than usual as the body fell asleep. I entered the vibrational state and began having an out of body experience. While emerging and exiting the physical body I remembered the name and shouted “Zahir!” in the astral body. The ceiling turned to stars and I began traveling through a hyperspace portal.
In a flash I was standing on sand dunes overlooking a black horizon. The dunes all around me were a glittering blue-green. I remember the strangeness of how it felt for the first time to not be on Earth. I turned to my left and there he/it was. The being from my last psychedelic trip standing before me, holographic cosmic light and fire emanating through the lines upon his skin. He was not made of flesh and blood but of cosmic energy, contained in blue-green skin.
He wore a robe and hood and said to me telepathically “I’m surprised to see you here… go back to your world.” In an instant I slammed back in my body and gasped for air. I looked around the meditation room not sure at all what to think or feel. Zahir was the beginning of my life in higher dimensional out of body experiences. Things I did not even know were possible became possible through him.
Over the following year I began to notice how after courses with my teacher, students would begin to have problems with entities and sometimes physical health issues. Being her assistant in psychic readings as well I noticed she would at times tell different people the exact same thing. Many of her predictions turned out wrong although many turned out right. During a trip to Xian, China I was in the depth of my confusion and doubt in regards to her and her plans. At a Mahayana Buddhist temple I prayed before Avalokiteshvara for guidance and to be given a clear sign as to whether I should leave the community. Zahir was already pointing me in that direction but I was unsure as to whether I could trust the guidance. 3 days later after visiting the terracotta soldiers and tomb of a former empress, the head disciples were in board meeting to discuss plans for expansion in the United States. She said one day this community of 500 disciples or so would become a movement. She proceeded to explain we are “all her apostles who will own and manage our given region of the world.” In this room were factory owners, doctors and successful entrepreneurs. It dawned on me this system had nothing to do with awakening and nothing to do with enlightenment. Having spent 2 years with her already there was nothing left for me to gain but more psychic powers. I was finished in that meeting.
I remember looking at the Buddha statue and thinking to myself “look how far I’ve wandered from the dharma… I’ve wandered into false paths.” I decided it was time to leave the cult. I told my teacher I was going to stop her practices and leave the community. She attempted to dissuade me from doing so by saying “if you leave you will lose the powers you’ve gained because they come from me.” I didn’t care what I’d lose. There was no way I’d get any closer to any enlightenment through her. I said my goodbyes even though I loved her and my friends in that community. A couple years later I’d heard that she told her students one day I’d return and the prophecy would still be fulfilled. It’s been 7 years. I never looked back.
Both my closest friends in the cult ended up in psychiatric facilities after having psychotic breaks resultant from her practices. The methods she taught would open up a persons energy field rapidly and in an unsafe manner. When the person would then have issues with entities or health problems, she would charge 5-20k to fix it. My roommate ended up in a mental hospital for a month following a third eye opening. I lived with her for a whole year prior. We did our meditations together every night. She was everything but psychotic. One trip to China changed all of that. Fortunately, she was able to get help. Psychiatric intervention really saved her.
By the time I left I had been working as a loan officer for about a year and a half. I cold called leads to sell mortgage refinancing, which surprisingly I became decent at. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the discipline to prospect daily or consistently so had to drive for Lyft & Uber to eat and make rent. I was pretty miserable by then, but didn’t want to be a quitter. I didn’t care about money but was attempting to make myself care. In hindsight I should’ve gave myself permission not to be concerned about it, especially since I didn’t have a woman or a kid in my life to take care of.
On the flight home from the last trip and retreat in China I was reading “Talks” by Ramana Maharshi. Half way through the book I read a sentence that changed my spiritual life forever. Ramana said “moksha (liberation) is to know you were never born.” I didn’t understand those words at all, but my body began shaking, trembling and exploding in sweat. A few minutes later it passed and I thought nothing of it. The next morning while driving to work duality vanished and I entered what I call “I Am Everything.”